Benefits of diddly squats

ONLY one of the following two mad proposals has been rejected, and it's the wrong one.

Proposal one, to shareholders of Japan's Nomura investment bank, to consider at the June 27 annual meeting: "All toilets within the company's offices shall be Japanese-style toilets, thereby toughening the legs and loins and hunkering down on a daily basis, aiming at achieving 4-digit stock prices." (Source: a shareholder.)

Reason given: "The company cannot avoid bankruptcy if it merely adopts a spiritual approach such as encouraging sales persons to speak in a loud voice, but the company can surely avoid failure if they straddle over a Japanese-style toilet every day and strengthen their lower body."

Could it work? Squatting exercise may improve workplace fitness, cut time lost in the loo and focus employees' minds on the spartan Japanese values behind the country's success. A marginal improvement in performance is likely, at little cost.

Implemented? Already rejected by the board.

Proposal two, to Australians, who never actually got to vote on it at the 2010 election:

"For the first three years (from July 31), the price for each tonne of pollution (carbon dioxide) will be fixed at $23 per tonne then rise by 2.5 per cent in real terms, effectively a carbon tax." (Source: a Prime Minister.)

Reason given: "Australian natural wonders such as the Great Barrier Reef are already being damaged. The greatest contributor to recent climate change is carbon pollution caused by humans."

Could it work? The reef isn't actually damaged by global warming , and this tax won't cut the temperature in 2020 by anything anyone will notice. By just 0.00005 degrees, says Lord Christopher Monckton. By 0.0038, says Victoria University's Professor Roger Jones.

In fact, a little warming will promote coral growth. So no improvement, at vast cost.

Implemented? From July 1.

Conclusion: there's more chance that squatting on a Japanese toilet will make a bank profitable, than there is that a carbon tax will save the Barrier Reef.

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