Wind energy is great says a new report commissioned by the Labour think tank Institute For Public Policy Research.
Among the report's findings are that large scale industrial wind farms can:
• Boost GDP growth by up to 3,000 per cent
• Cure all known forms of cancer
• Rescue drowning kittens from sacks in canals and lead them to secure, happy homes where they are well cared for in handcrafted wicker baskets with lovely, snuggly faux-sheepskin blankets for them to purr on and little saucers of organic Jersey cream designed by Cath Kidston.
• Treble the beauty of the landscape.
• Engender social justice.
• Bring about lasting world peace.
• Mean that if you're an ordinary, struggling working class landowner like Earl Spencer, the Duke of Gloucester, Lord Gisborough, the Earl of Moray or the Duke of Roxburghe – not forgetting our old friend Sir Reginald Sheffield Bt – you won't after all be forced to sell your third-favourite Raphael cartoon in order to make ends meet, you just stick up a ruddy great wind farm instead and Bob's your uncle: problem solved!
But wait. Before we rush to beautify even more of our countryside with these miraculous, bat-chomping eco-crucifixes, perhaps we ought to have a quick glance at the bona fides of the people responsible for this report.
He notes that two out of the report's three authors are senior employees of a wind company called GL Garrad Hassan. (And the third is an environmental activist – or "green tech cheerleader" as he trendsomely bills himself on Twitter).
As Upton Sinclair once said: "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it."